1. Given this is a memoir, it took some guts to be so vulnerable. How did you feel in writing it?
Adam & I started out as therapeutic notes. I had a heavy experience to deal with, and being a writer I did so the best way I knew how – by writing. But when I told close friends about what had happened the reaction was always the same: “Wow, this is like a movie. You should write a book about this!” So that’s what I did.
Over the course of maybe six months my therapeutic notes turned into a real story, and I changed the writing to be in third person. My feelings changed from sadness and despair to the sort of thrill I’ve always gotten from writing. The initial writing had served its purpose and soon I felt great about getting to tell a story that works from a storytelling perspective, with a plot I was genuinely excited about. Once I reached that point, writing about hard and painful memories never felt bad at all, because I stopped thinking about them as memories and started seeing them as plot points.
2. So you pretty much answered this in the last question, but what pushed you to follow through with everyone telling you that you could do this and publish your memoir?
I’ve always been a writer, but never an author. I’ve dreamt about it since I was a child, but I never had a story to tell. I didn’t have the imagination or patience to fill a full novel. Now, because this is a true story, the outline had already been written for me. Getting it published was a no-brainer, a realization of a dream.
I was encouraged by people close to me and their shocked reactions to the story, and once I started doing research on my experience and what others have been through in real life, I realized that this is an important story to share. I’m not alone, and I want others to know that they aren’t either.
3. Were some parts harder than others to write, and if so, why?
Yes. Despite changing my view from memories to plot points, the memories themselves were never bad in the first place. This is a story about deceit on a big scale, but what happened during the deceit I have no regrets about. Instead, the difficult part was to relieve the happy memories, the promises of what the rest of my life could have been like. I felt like my life had been crushed or stolen from me, and it was unfair. I felt immense pain because of this. I also lost three years of my life and often wondered what exciting direction my life could have taken if I never met Adam. I still do I guess. I will never know, and that pains me even today. Those scenes in which I was truly happy were surprisingly the most difficult to write.
Oh, and Mexico! The entire chapter set in Mexico is one of the most painful memories I have. That one was also difficult to write, because I wanted the reader to feel the pain I felt and wasn’t sure how to best portray it. It took a lot of work.
4. What was your favorite scene or situation to write about?
I have to say the ending. As you know, the ending is the only chapter in the book that is made up. I had total freedom here to give Tommy – the main character – the closure I never had, and I wanted to keep the reader hooked and guessing to the very last paragraph. As an author, that’s a thrilling opportunity. In fact, I think the last few pages are the best part of the book, because they give the grand but personal story a very fitting conclusion.
The chapter set on the Camino de Santiago was also one of my favorites to write. I met so many cool people when I did that 32-day hike in real life, and originally the chapter was almost twice as long. I wanted to include everyone! But that harms more than elevates the story as a whole, and so I focused on only a few key characters, those who affected me the most on my journey with Adam in real life, and consequently Tommy in the book. The editing process for this chapter was one of the most fun parts of the writing process for the whole book!
5. Have your friends and family been supportive in this endeavor?
Totally! Everyone around me have been super supportive, especially since they all knew Adam. We were shocked together. They’ve all always known I’m a writer, and thanks to how unique and extreme this story is no one has ever questioned the fact that I’m writing a book about a former partner. In fact, many of my friends encouraged it.
My grandmother was always the most excited to get to read the book, so when things felt difficult toward the end, because of how enormous a project like a novel is, her support was what kept me going and actually finish the book. She got an early copy and was one of the first to read the full book. She was shocked by the sex scenes in one of the early chapters, but even after those she was one hundred percent behind me.
6. Do you have plans to publish more works in the future?
I’m currently working on two novels and a non-fiction book. Among the novels, one is a spiritual sequel to Adam & I but entirely fictional. How did he heal, and what happened to him and his life following the events in Adam & I? The other is a murder mystery on the Camino, because I genuinely loved writing about the hike and would love to try a different genre.
I doubt I’ll ever finish either of those books though, because it’s a huge commitment. With Adam & I the true story gave me the fuel and passion I needed. And am I ready to handle another massive project that will consume my life for the foreseeable future? For now, I just want to enjoy life without the burden of working on a novel.
The non-fiction book is an educational book for new and experienced authors. In it, I detail my process for writing my debut novel and getting it published. Basically, all the lessons I learned about what it takes to write a novel.
7. Any tips for other beginner authors?
Have a complete outline ready before you get too serious. The reason I tried to write a novel for two decades and never succeeded was because I lost interest halfway through. And the reason I lost interest was because I wasn’t sure of where I was going. Writing ourselves into dead ends is a major discouragement, making the prospect of “fixing” everything so overwhelming we give up. It’s a major cause of writer’s block. With Adam & I the outline was given to me for free by life, and with the two novels I’m working on now I’m making sure I have at least 30-50 plot points from the beginning to the ending nailed down before I write a single word of the script itself.
Completely opposite to that, my other piece of advice is to just write! Don’t stop, don’t think too much, don’t go back and edit. Just write. If you get stuck on a scene, skip it and move on! You can fill in the gaps in the editing process. For a large part of the writing process it feels like there’s no end in sight, but I will never forget the day I wrote the last missing scene of the first draft for Adam & I. That was more euphoric than anything else in the process, including the day I held my first printed copy or when the book was published and available to the world. If you just keep writing every day, even if it’s just a little, you will reach the end eventually.
Also, get some beta readers! Maybe 5-10 different people at different stages across the entire project timeline. Or 2-3 really good ones. And your friends and family won’t be enough. At least some of these readers whose job is to provide feedback on the story need to be strangers who don’t know you or your story. The end result will be so much better for it!
8. What do you wish you’d have known going into this project as far as tips and tricks go?
I wish I had known more about effective storytelling. I spent a year and a half after the first draft was done making it exciting to read. The early chapters lacked conflict or “troubles” for Tommy to overcome, and his goal within the story wasn’t very clear. What was the story even about?
I fixed all these issues in editing, but had I thought more about it from the start I wouldn’t have had to rewrite and add as many scenes as I did.
9. What part of the story, if any, do you hold dearest?
The happy memories I mentioned earlier, and the ending, are the parts closest to my heart. It makes me happy just thinking about them, and I’m glad this story gave me a chance to put them on paper.
10. Is there anyone you wish to thank or acknowledge?
First and foremost, everyone who have supported me as much as they have. My friends and family. My editor, beta readers and you Nicole, an exceptional ARC reader whose genuine interest in my work helped me enormously in the final stretch toward publishing.
And Adam. Without him, this story wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be the author I am today.
